Think First...

I found a lot of similarities after I wrote 'Reflections Before A Storm'. We were going through a few very minor bumps in early July. Little things they seem like now but then, they seemed so important. I felt as if I had disappointed him in some way and the thought ate at me, I felt as if I couldn't say anything to him for a few days. I was as he described me recently - uncertain, but sure of my uncertainty. I hadn't been thinking when I mentioned something to one of his friends that was personal and was later told by him, in very gentle terms, that I shouldn't have made such a comment. After everything had been going so well, it seemed abrupt and it startled me for a few days. I figured this was just the beginning of a line of things that might go wrong, I'll slip up and say something else and he'll get frustrated...

After a few days of mulling it over though, I decided he was right. I just needed to watch what I say to others more carefully. I should do as my mother always told me. Think before you speak. I told her about a month ago when she was explaining something and asked if I was paying attention that I was listening but I didn't hear her. She laughed and said a truer statement was never made. I should listen to her more often.

And I should have realized that he was just trying to help me, he wasn't trying to put me down. That man loves me, more than I care to accept probably, and he would never deliberately say something to upset me. At the same time, he will always tell me the truth. He's my partner and he only meant to help and I should have recognized that earlier. I listen to him closer now when he tells me of something I didn't do or something I should keep in mind. I'm not great at taking criticism but I am learning and I take it better from him than I think I've ever taken it from others.

Later, after we had moved past that minor bump, I decided that perhaps I would use 'Reflections Before A Storm' in a letter to him but I decided that it was just too dry, too dark. Personal but impersonal. Descriptive but much left up to interpretation. Not usually my style but the weather and my mood was having a rather interesting effect on my writing. Perhaps I'll be able to write a letter to him using that maze and I'm sure I will but for now, this will serve as a reminder to think before you speak.