December 24, 2009

I love my job. I mean it, I really really love my job.

I had to be at work at six this morning, which is fine. I originally took it to mean that it was because somebody didn’t like me and when I told my parents about it, they turned it around saying that it’s the price that I pay for doing a ‘good job’. Either way, I wasn’t a particularly happy camper when I rolled out of bed at five fifteen to don the uniform (red collared shirt and khakis)and went to go fix my cup of coffee and my bowl of cereal. I also wasn’t particularly happy when I started backing down the driveway, only to have to take it out of reverse because I was veering too far to one side because honestly, I wasn’t that awake yet - but I had to go to work.

Upon getting there, I perked up though, especially since everyone seemed to be decked out in their gay apparel (no pun intended). Jessica for example had on a Santa hat with leopard fur around the band of the head and a bell attached to the white puff ball on the end. Okay, so that was pretty, well, -ahem-. Anyways, despite my worst fears the morning passed very quietly without any incident. The first few customers came in, got what they needed and left. And we waited. A few more drifted in, didn’t wander too much, then checked out. Again we waited.

It was during one of these waiting periods, just before a slight rush that I happened to take note of the parking lot, which was empty except for the employee cars, and the store, which was empty except for the employees. Looking over at Tana, who was on the register facing mine at the service desk and making small talk, we happened to remark that we should be playing Christmas music in the store. We both agreed and silence reigned for a few more seconds before I asked the question that had niggled me from the very mention of Christmas music. “Do you happen to know the Twelve Days of Christmas?”

“Yeah, what about them?”

“Can you remember them all?”

And with that, we started the hour and a half long quest for the correct order of the Twelve Days of Christmas.

Everyone can remember, of course, from five down. Five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree. But above five… it gets a little fuzzy, to say the least. After asking numerous people and getting told either they didn’t remember it past five either or some hazy number coupled with something that didn’t sound just right, but close, one of my co-workers was walking by and stopped to listen. Everyone starts to disperse and as I start to turn away, she yells, “Hey Heather!”

“Yeah?”

“How many Toys R Us employees does it take to figure out the Twelve Days of Christmas?”

Everyone, of course, laughed, me included and I told her I’d get back to her on that. Turns out it takes nine of us, me included. At the end of the day, it was Denise who knew at least the most complete version we had to go off of. Here’s the order we got:

1. A partridge in a pear tree
2. Turtle doves
3. French hens
4. Calling birds
5. Golden rings
6. Geese a-laying
7. Swans a-swimming
8. Maids a-milking
9. Ladies dancing
10. Lords a-leaping
11. Pipers piping
12. Drummers drumming

The worst part of it was that even before I went to go ask Denise what the Twelve Days of Christmas lyrics are, I was able to recall with no difficulty whatsoever the Twelve Red Neck Days of Christmas.

A 12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin' (wrestling) tickets
Tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.

So after all that, still bored, we took to seeing how many multiple things we could remember. Dan asked me if I remembered all the reindeer and I looked at him and without hesitation I said:

“Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen, but do you recall? The most famous reindeer of all?”

“Rudolph?”

“Very good.”

Then of course Jessica had to turn around and ask me a question which showed my roots, so to speak…

“Hey Heather, can you name all the dwarves in Snow White?”

“How many of them are there?”

She kind of stared at me for a moment and it didn’t dawn on me why until she said, rather incredulously, “Heather, it’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarves!”

Like I said, very blond of me. All in all, it was a very satisfying, very quick day at work. Everyone was very jovial when given the opportunity to laugh and joke.

Hopefully this has brightened your day a little and I hope that you have a very safe and happy holiday. Merry Christmas!