A friend of mine reminded me of something I haven't checked in the longest of times - Myspace. Myspace and I never had a very warm relationship, mostly because my friends had better things to do than sit on Myspace and talk to me, which surprisingly doesn't seem to be the case with Facebook. Now either this means my friends have less of a life or Facebook is far more enjoyable. I'll let you decide but I'm betting on the latter. I will say this on Facebook's appeal and then drop it, I swear. In terms of ease of use and streamline, Facebook wins hands down. Myspace is finally catching up in applications, games, that sort of thing, but it is rather nice to not be harassed by annoying backgrounds, blaring musing, or eye-spasming animations that glitter and implode. No, Facebook is nice and sterile except for the occasional wall posts that the applications you use would like to post but those are easy to ignore.
No, the reason I'm bringing up Myspace is because of a memory. A few of them actually - some that are mine and some that are Jerry's, memories that I wasn't ever a part of. Going back over my blog is a short matter. After all, before I ever met Jerry I would systematically go back and delete posts, starting fresh over and over again. That's the nice thing about online blogs, you have the option to delete. To edit, to rearrange, to correct a spelling mistake or a grammatical mistake. In real life with pen to paper, you don't have that leisure, that security that with a push of a single button you can delete from this world forever your words. Sure, you can do the whole book burning thing if you like but there are remnants of that all around you. On the internet, you can lose your words to oblivion because with billions upon billions of people accessing it every day from across the world... well, you're just a number. It isn't very real.
Looking back though I'm glad I didn't purge fully. I am a writer. I write best the emotions that affect me the most and the ones that affected me the most are now buried in notes on Facebook and the few remaining posts on Myspace. The reason I left Myspace for Facebook was not because of the reasons mentioned above, although those eventually became the reasons for my not returning. No, the reason I left Myspace was because I was going to college and on Facebook, I could more readily and easily connect. Looking back on the four remaining posts, I think I couldn't have chosen any better posts to keep. Granted, I can't really remember any of the other posts but these posts are more like my earlier posts on this blog - poetic.
I think I'll add them to this blog next week, and my notes from Facebook. In chronological order, of course, but I think it should be done. On top of that, if I have something to say, I can say it. Some insight to the post added or perhaps just something that came to mind, like this has tonight. It will be a way for me to keep some of the parts of the whole centralized. I would say all but that would be inaccurate. In any case I hope you are interesting in seeing a more... personal portion of my life.
Now, as I mentioned earlier, I wasn't the only one who used to write blogs on Myspace. Jerry did as well, which came in handy when he and I first met. Yes, I suppose you could call it (jokingly) stalking, but I think he would agree with me if I were to say that it wasn't stalking, it was merely reconnaissance. I'm glad that he didn't purge like I did because even though he wasn't sure anyone was reading his posts, he kept soldiering on, making a post every few months or so to give a brief update while other times he delivered a rather eloquent little snippet of his life. I have never claimed great understanding of the man I love, nor will I claim that now but I will admit that I understand him better than most. When I first read his posts nearly two years ago, I was trying to figure out the background of a man I hardly knew but now knowing him, loving him, and learning more and more about what makes him him - his past, his present, his dreams, his doubts, everything - taking all that and going back and reading those posts again? I won't lie, it was difficult. Not difficult to read, the man is extremely well read. No, it was difficult because I had that level of understanding that I didn't have before and I understand the people, the places, the things he's referencing to. I can better understand the pain, the anger, the joy, the frustration, the loneliness, everything that did and still does make up the man that I love.
For that, I am extremely grateful. In this day and age, I'm sure it is likely that more people can say that they are also privy to this knowledge, to this experience but I guess I'm old fashioned in the fact that its difficult to share the most intimate part of you - your mind - with the unknown, be it the entire wide web that spans this green earth or a list of friends you've acquired from all over. To me, its precious, not something that should be taken lightly, and the knowledge should never be misused. It has been, for lack of a better term, a blessing to be loved by such a man and I am eternally grateful for it.
Have a safe weekend, sorry for the mushiness. Blame my sinus infection.
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