Wish Token

My mother bought me two tokens that I saw that I wanted before I left for college. We hadn't been looking for them, we had actually been shopping for unmentionables, but there they were, on the counter as we were checking out and I just had to get a few. They're metal coin-like objects, about the size of quarters, with shapes cut out the center of them and words written on ether side of the tokens. The first one I picked out was a 'Hug Token', a heart cut out of the center with the words 'Good For One Hug' around one side of it. The other one was a 'Wish Token', a star cut out of the center with the words 'Good For One Wish' around one side of it.

I gave one to my boyfriend on a weekend when I was feeling particularly vulnerable, paranoid about the upcoming leave for college, everything. I, of course, gave him the hug token, because at that time, I just wanted to be held. Hell, I wanted and needed to be held at that time. For most of the day it was all I could do not to cling to him but I finally gave up and just clung to him. He has always been my home, my safe haven, my calm port, my warmth and my light, my joy and my heart. I was glad I got all of the fear and need out of me that weekend because even though it was difficult to leave him in the end, it would have been worse had I bottled it up. He gave me a form of release and relief.

The other token, I have in the bottom of a film canister with quarters on top. Talking to him tonight, I thought of it, and I wished. I wished with all my heart that he were here in front of me or I were there in front of him. I wished for his arms around me, his lips on mine, his heartbeat thundering in my ear... I wished to be curled up next to him, listening to his voice, watching him smile, just in general watching him. I miss the way he walked around, head held high with a mischievous look in his eyes. I miss everything about him, I miss every single thing about him, even the way he bobs his head (which my mother isn't fond of) whenever he's sure of himself or giving me an encouraging signal. I love that man so very much...

Short one for tonight. I miss him too much, and I'm not happy with a few things local, so I'll just let things alone for the night and try to end on a positive note. I love him, he loves me, and we can't wait to see each other again but at least I know we'll see each other soon. Twitter twitter.